Lincoln Versus Clinton
by DCDave

Bill Clinton is said to be very concerned about his place in history, as well he should be. Right now things aren't looking all that good for his historical niche. With his current troubles in mind, let us, in the style of the Jay Leno Show, essay some crude comparisons between our 16th and our 42nd presidents.

  1. LINCOLN: Freed the slaves.

    CLINTON: Laid the babes.

  2. LINCOLN: Gettysburg Address

    CLINTON: Stained a party dress.

  3. LINCOLN: Emancipation Proclamation.

    CLINTON: Ejaculation Proclamation
    (as his infamous 4-minute "confession"
    is now being called. This is not original with me.)

  4. LINCOLN: Increased Republican Party Popularity.

    CLINTON: Increased Republican Party Popularity.

  5. LINCOLN: " can't fool all the people all the time."

    CLINTON: "...but you can try, all the time."

    Hopeful Forecast

  6. LINCOLN: Successor unsuccessfully impeached.

    CLINTON: Successfully impeached for his excesses.
    (If this doesn't prove true, see #4 for an explanation.)

David Martin

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